‘Tis the season to be jolly! ‘Tis also apparently the season to don your onesie and not move from the sofa ever. I quite simply refuse to believe I am the only one engaging in some serious slobbery during this festive season, and I can tell you exactly why the sofa is so appealing: reality tv. I’m A Celeb, Made in Chelsea, Geordie Shore, TOWIE and The X Factor have been dominating television sets all over the UK as couch potatoes unite in poring over every little detail of other people’s lives rather than their own. I’ve compiled a list of reasons why reality telly is taking over the box (from the comfort of my sofa, wearing a onesie – old habits die hard).
1. Hating people is fun
I am very aware that point one is borderline offensive on its own. To break it down, what I mean is that everyone loves a good pantomime baddie. Reality TV shows are flippin’ riddled with bad guys who we all just love to hate. X Factor had Rylan, Geordie Shore has Vicky and Ricci, I’m a Celeb had Helen Flanagan and Made in Chelsea has pretty much the entire cast. The beauty of sort-of-hating these people is that the odds are massively in your favour – you’re probably never going to come across them. You can harmlessly hate them from the comfort of your own home. I for one, enjoy nothing more than getting irrationally angry over Made in Chelsea’s Mark Francis every Monday evening. If his snotty accent, awful hair and disgusting dress sense isn’t enough to send you into a light hazy rage, his patronising “darling” and sort of chortle laugh most certainly will. I particularly enjoy when he mentions how stressful his life is –“Oh darling I was in Cannes and then Paris, it’s been so stressful”. I once had to cook dinner when I had 76p in my bank account, some dry pasta, beans and a pepper. Francis, the ball is in your court. So you’ve gathered – I hate Mark Francis. However, will I be tuning in on Monday hanging on to his every word? Absolutely. At the very least, it gives me something to angrily tweet about.
2. Everybody loves a good shock elimination
It is so refreshing to feel right at the centre of some drama that has no repercussions to your own life. When hot favourite Ella Henderson left the X Factor, for instance – absolute shock horror. After being penned favourite to win after the auditons she was pipped to the post by vibrating wotsit Christopher Maloney, a rubbish version of One Direction and Rylan (need I say more?).
3. Our mates will never be as funny as Dean Gaffney
No further explanation needed.
4. Real life just isn’t that exciting
Watching Made in Chelsea, in amongst my anger at how ridiculous everyone is, I get so ridiculously jealous. Millie Mackintosh is dating Professor Green (hello mega crush), has a stupidly expensive so-ugly-it’s-cute puppy and is the heir of Quality Street. Jamie is the heir of McVitie’s biscuits and everyone else is just rolling around in money. The beautiful scenery of London or their spontaneous weekends away in Cannes or the country is literally just every day life to them. I get excited when stationary is on offer in Asda. Watching Made in Chelsea allows me to escape to a luxurious life of money for an hour, with the humble knowledge that none of my friends are as irritating as Cheska, Gabriella or (god forbid) Mark Francis.
5. Watching people doing nothing is better than doing nothing
I have a confession to make. I have, more than once, found myself watching people eating breakfast in the Big Brother house to the chorus of that annoying bird sound they play sometimes. It is then, I find, you have to pinch yourself and really ask – what are you doing with your life? However, there is nothing more interesting than human beings. All you need to do is take a walk down Buchanan Street on a Saturday afternoon to see such a pic ‘n’ mix of people! So putting some carefully selected nutters into a house is always guaranteed to be some amazing viewing. My personal highlight though, absolutely HAS to be this :
Last, but not least. I will leave you with one more excellent point why reality TV is better than reality. Where else would you get to see this every week?
My advice to you? Sit back, pop the telly on and let the madness unfold around you. Who needs drama in real life anyway? I’d much rather have a cup of tea…