So well observed is C4’s Fresh Meat that it’s easy to forget that it isn’t a hilarious documentary on student life but a work of pure fiction, very little of which has been conceived by people who have been students within the last decade. This has resulted in a couple of teensy inaccuracies or, as I like to call them, lies, the result of which is that the student experience depicted by the creators of Fresh Meat is actually decidedly less awesome than actually being a student. Here’s seven of the fibs frequently told by the show and how real life is often an improvement on the fantasy;
1. People on drugs are hilariously funny.
An idea spuriously inceptioned into us by the brilliant scene in which JP has an emotional exchange with a dying horse. This myth has stemmed from the fact that people on recreational drugs find everything kidney-explodingly funny and then tell anyone who will listen how they got blazing and suddenly turned into a Will Ferrell character. These people then go on to become comedy script writers… The reality of recreational drugs ranges from the boring – stoners sitting watching ‘Laddergoat’ on repeat on Youtube while laughing in a staccato monotone to the downright unpleasant, yelling at each other for five hours straight about their favourite Pink Floyd album. All in all, it’s best just to ignore these people and do something else – just say no.
2. You will only ever hang out with the people you live with.
Growing up watching endless repeats of Friends seems to have wired into our brains the idea that we need to find ourselves a small, cliquey gang out of which the rest of the world must be frozen just like all these minor characters in Fresh Meat whose names you can’t remember because they’re not in the gang. Don’t let me mislead you; during my undergrad degree, I lived in eight places with no fewer than twenty people and I was friends with every man Jack of them, but at no point did I feel like my flatmates were the only group of people I had to hang out with. Every healthy human being has the same experience; spending too much time with the same people leads to dysfunctional relationships, something which Fresh Meat actually touches on with the whole Kingsley-Josie-JP triangle, but what it doesn’t reveal is just how uncomfortable situations like that can be. The reality is that having multiple groups of friends outwith your living situation ensures you always have a range of people to hang out with and that you won’t get bored of any of them.
3. You will have no work to do. Ever.
During season one we see the gang go to a grand total of about four lectures; entirely possible during first year at uni (though not advisable unless you love spending August doing resits), but one omission that may give impressionable young minds the wrong idea about student life is the lack of any evidence of work outside of these lectures other than one essay for Vod and Oregon’s class which they seem to smash out in about half an hour. While I was the kind of person for whom being a student was more play than work and more sleep than anything else, I did find myself focussed entirely on the academic side of being a student for a few days of every month and, shockingly, actually quite enjoyed it. Being a student is a chance to concentrate on something you are actually interested in in a way that may actually help you in later life. How can that be bad?
4. There is nothing to do at uni except get drunk.
Most people will be drunk at some point while studying – we can’t deny that. But if the beer-centric social life enjoyed by the characters on Fresh Meat is your only frame of reference, you might be forgiven for having a Homer Simpson-esque view of alcohol as “the cause of, and solution to, all of life’s problems”. The reality is that being a student is so much better if you have other things to do than drink. Pretty much every activity ever conceived is available in some form at most colleges and unis these days; be it chess, communism or even quidditch, there is something everyone can enjoy and use as an opportunity to meet new people, instead of simply drowning loneliness and boredom in a bottle.
5. Everyone you don’t know is either evil or a weirdo.
The only two professors we encounter, Howard’s only friend outside the house, JP’s old schoolmates: nobody is like that! One of the most important lessons to take into studying is that people are generally decent and even if you don’t become best friends with someone straight away, there is still only the remotest possibility they will brick your window, vomit on you shoes, or sabotage your exams. It’s important to remember that you will have something in common with almost everyone you meet while studying, so the most enjoyable experience comes from assuming the best of people; in doing so, you will normally see their best side.
6. You should change your degree to impress someone you fancy.
Poor, naïve Kingsley changing to a Drama degree to which he is woefully unsuited to impress a girl is an extreme case of succumbing to peer pressure, but it is important to remember why this decision was so stupid: firstly your studying experience is for your own benefit; it’s hard enough to get a job these days having succeeded in doing things you’re actually good at, let alone struggled through something you had no interest in for the sake of somebody else. Secondly, feigning an interest in something to impress someone you fancy is, to use the technical term, creepy and, chances are, you will be bad at it, neither of which are exactly going to make Barney Stinson’s Playbook. So just stick to what you like doing; there are plenty of other ways to engage people socially.
7. All posh people are snobby morons.
Going back to JP and his school friends who conjure an image of anybody with a posh accent or a private education as arrogant, ignorant and willing to throw money indiscriminately at problems until they go away. The truth is that there are some poshos like that who think that salmonella is a female fish, but they are subject to the ridicule they deserve, while the rest of them are just normal, decent people embarrassed to be tarred by the same brush as the likes of George Osborne and Spencer Matthews. Heavily linked to point five, withholding judgement for long enough to discover that all students are just as much of an insecure mess as each other and making friends from all walks of life makes for a richer, more vibrant studying experience.
So there you go; Fresh Meat may be the best show on the telly but by no means should it be taken as a students’ guidebook. All you need for that is an open mind, a bit of common sense and a sweet collection of pop-culture references…
Catch Fresh Meat, Tuesdays at 10pm on Channel 4.
