Stick on your finest tartan item, grab yourself a haggis and maybe even fling a ceilidh if
you’re feeling organised, because today is St Andrew’s Day! While we don’t celebrate our national patron saint in quite the same manner as some of our neighbours (we’re looking at you, Ireland), today is a great day to celebrate everything that’s brilliant about being Scottish. Sophie Mead offers her top ten reasons to be proud of your magnificent heritage.
- Glasgow is THE PLACE TO BE. Seriously. According to the National Geographic (kind of a big deal) Glasgow is one of the most desirable places to visit in the world next year! Something to do with free museums, music and culture, not even battered Mars bars and Burberry. We’ll need to shine up your traffic cone Mr Wellington.
- People believe our mythology. When I visited Chile in South America, most folk genuinely asked me to tell them about the Loch Ness Monster (El Monstruo de Lago Ness). Of course I obliged by spinning them some line about an ancient reptile who snacks on children (or festival goers) that stray too close to the banks. They also loved hearing about the herds of wild haggis which are hunted each year for their delicious meat.
3.We are really funny. We produced Kevin bridges who said this: “Prince William’s stag do is going to be very weird… stuffing pictures of his Gran down the bras of strippers.” We also made Frankie Boyle who continues on his rampage of offending the world with crude jokes while they weep and Scotland chuckles.
4. We name weather systems after body parts. The humble ‘baw’ gets used often in Scotland (bawheid, bawjaws, fannybaws) but never was it better put to use than when the Scottish public christened a massive storm hurricane BAWBAG.
5. Our first minister is a belter. Nicola Sturgeon has taken the helm of the Scottish National Party and is doing a fantastic job of leading the country. Why? She’s not a blether. Whereas many politicians pussyfoot around subjects and talk at us with political jargon which makes our eyes and ears glaze over – Nicola gets straight the point. There’s nae messin with Scotland’s highest ranking hen.
6. We are world leaders in renewable energy. Today the people in charge of the world will meet in Paris to discuss why the human race is continuing to eat, cut down and bulldoze its way across the planet with little concern or planning for the consequences. Although it may be too late, Scotland is a pioneer in harnessing wind and waves, plus it’s all over sustainable farming. Us jocks have our heids screwed on when it comes to survival.
7.We produced Andy Murray. Mums and grans all over the country rejoiced as their other son Andy helped steer his team to victory and bring the Davis Cup back to Britain. He’s actually showing off a wee bit now – a very non-Scottish trait, might we add – but we’re all very proud and accustomed to hearing the war cry of “COME ON ANDY” being bellowed at the TV. On yersel’, son.
8.Can I have a roll with sausage in it please? A what? A sausage roll? You mean A ROLL AND SAUSAGE! We are proud inventors of the correct pronunciation nation’s favourite breakfast roll.
9.We have the best slang. If you are Scottish and you aren’t familiar with the adjectives howlin, hackit and hoachin, you need to go back to school.
10.We never miss an opportunity for a good headline. “Find the ba***rd who shat down my chimney” appeared in a national newspaper complete with graphic image of said gentleman doing the deed. You can always count on the Scottish press to come up with headlines likes “Mugged by a Parrot” and ‘”I Kicked a Burning Terrorist So Hard in the Balls that I Tore a Tendon.”
Oh yeah, and we have The Digger, Scotland’s answer to Heat magazine for the mafia.
People wonder why we don’t celebrate St. Andrews day? We’ll save it for Friday. I mean it’s a Monday for goodness sake, behave yourself.
